Everybody Hates Fruitcake

The Naughty North Pole – Book Five
Ivan has the bad luck to be the only elf at the naughty North Pole with fruitcake-flavored cum—and he’s not telling anyone. When fellow elf Jimmy hits on him, Ivan fears revealing his secret and losing a chance to have a real relationship with the sexy elf.

After all, everybody hates fruitcake!

Danni’s wife Sheila is the Head Chef at the North Pole. Unfortunately, while Sheila hunts for the perfect recipe for fruitcake, she neglects her wifely duties. So when Ivan tells Danni about his dilemma, she devises a plan to solve both of their problems.

Can these two girls help Ivan realize he is perfect just the way he is? Will Danni’s wife perfect her fruitcake recipe with Ivan’s special ingredient? But most importantly, will Ivan have the courage to take Jimmy up on his offer?

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Genre: Paranormal, erotic romance, GLBT, holiday, fantasy, ménage/multiple partners

Heat level: 5
Word count – 16k

Cover art by Katherine Souders

~Excerpt~

“Merry Christmas, Ivan.” Danni greeted me at the door, wearing a glittery green dress and a smile. She stepped to the side as I entered. “How’s it going?”

“It’s going good,” I told her. “Other than this mysterious invite.”

She laughed.

I held out a bottle of butterscotch. “It’s homemade brew. My mother made it. Merry Christmas.”

“Thank you,” Danni said, placing the bottle on a tray with three glasses and a few candles. Exceptionally pretty today, Danni had chosen an outfit heavy on the cleavage. When she turned away, my cock stood up and took notice that her dress was as low in the back as the front. She’d swept her ebony hair up with a clip, too, displaying an inviting, kissable neck.

“Is that Ivan?” Sheila called from the back of their little house. The lovely Ljósálfr woman joined us, wearing a slinky red dress with the slit halfway up her thigh, showcasing slender legs that went on for miles. Her dress wasn’t as low cut as her wife’s, but it still managed to showcase her perky tits.

They both looked so pretty I felt a little awkward in my casual cords and cream-colored sweater. Music from various parties could barely be heard at this end of the complex. Thinking about all the elves copulating like bunnies and seeing my two friends dressed so damn sexy made my mind conjuror the two of them naked, intertwined, their breasts in one another’s hands and fingers gliding into the slick wetness between thighs.

My neck flushed as the familiar brewing of arousal threatened to distract me.

“You look gorgeous, darling,” Danni said, cuddling up to her lover for a kiss on the cheek, her breasts pressing into her arm.

Since when have I become so obsessed with boobs?

Danni placed her elbow on Sheila’s shoulder and smiled at me. In fact, they were both smiling at me.

“Isn’t she beautiful, Ivan?” she asked.

Oh yeah, this evening was going to be a lot more fun than I’d imagined, though I knew there had to be a catch.

“As a matter fact,” I said, feeling a little ballsy. “You both look gorgeous enough to eat.”

Sheila laughed, the sound like the twinkling of snowflakes. “Eating.” She untangled herself from Danni and came forward. “That’s exactly what I want to talk about.”

My shoulders slumped with disappointment. “Really?”

“Yes,” Sheila said in a businesslike tone. “Danni tells me your cum tastes like fruitcake.”

“You told her!” My mojo flew out the window as fast as Santa’s sleigh.

Danni busted up laughing and shook her head at her wife. “Way to segue, darling.”

She shrugged, making no apologies. “Ivan, I’d like to get straight to the point. My aunt had the perfect recipe for fruitcake but she never wrote it down. A few years ago, she sort of went a little cuckoo, and now she can’t remember it. I’ve been trying to re-create it ever since.”

“Um, that’s cool and all….” I hesitated because suddenly I had a feeling what these two girls were really up to. “But what does that have to do with me?”

“Duh,” Danni said, pouring three healthy glasses of my mother’s butterscotch. “Your cum tastes like fruitcake.”

Sheila and I both waved her to be quiet, and she shrugged, lounging seductively on the white couch and sipping her drink. We shared a smile at our identical reaction to Danni’s blunt ways.

“Ivan, here’s the thing.” Sheila picked up the remaining drinks and passed one to me. “My aunt told me once an old lover inspired her recipe, a Dark Elf who tasted like fruitcake.”

“I see.” I sipped my drink, needing the liquid fortification.

“When Danni told me about you….” She grinned over her glass, green eyes sparkling. “Well, you can figure out the rest.”

I looked between the two women, each of them stunning in their own way. Sheila lithe and blonde, Danni buxom and dark. No denying Ivan Junior was totally interested in their proposition, but the whole thing seemed rather comical. “So this is why you invited me here, Danni? So your wife can taste test me?”

“Yup,” she said without apology. “She’s been driving me crazy, trying to perfect this recipe. I’ll do anything to get her attention out of the kitchen and back onto me.”

The two women shared a smile of a committed love I envied.

“So, what do you say, Ivan?” Danni said. “You wanna be on the menu tonight?”

Nervous, but hopeful, I actually laughed at their expressions.

I was a Nordic Elf for crying out loud! It had been far too long since someone sucked my dick knowing—and wanting—what was on the other end. There was no way I could turn this down!

“Ladies, you don’t have to ask me twice,” I said. “Where’s the bedroom?”

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